My Moon, My Man

I love you Frank. You will always be my favorite. And when I say I hate boys (I am saying it right now because it it 4:26 AM and therefore too late for him to call) you know you are excluded from that sentiment. Forever.

(Video of Frank O'Hara reading his poem "Having a Coke With You")

Late Night Activity

I like reading short stories nowadays. They still give you the satisfaction of intellectual stimulation without the interruption of having to constantly put a book down for lack of time. I can't handle fragmentation in my life right now, there is no continuity already.

Read now: "The Whores of Mensa" by Woody Allen

I think she should have gone for the blue hat.

source

NOT FOR YOU

Restless soul, enjoy your youth
Like muhammad hits the truth
Cant escape from the common rule
If you hate something, dont you do it too...too...

Small my table, a-sets just two
Got so crowded, I cant make room
Oh, where did they come from?
Stormed my room!
And you dare say it belongs to you...to you...

This is not for you (3x)
Oh, not for you...ah, you...

...scream...my friends...dont call me...
...friends, no they dont scream...
...my friends dont call...my friends dont...

All thats sacred comes from youth
Dedication, naive and true
With no power, nothing to do
I still remember, why dont you...dont you...

This is not for you (3x)
Oh, never was for you...fuck you...
This is not for you...
Oh, this is not for you...yeah, you...
This is not for you...
Oh, not for you...
Oh, you...

-Pearl Jam

Dissolve

My emotions change daily, hourly - the continual shift like water, perhaps symbolizing the fact that I have no solid feelings, no hard stance on anything.

In class:

I'm not dumb, just unable to pay attention.

WVLNT (Wavelength For Those Who Don't Have the Time

This was one of the most disagreeable things I've ever seen. After the film ended and the screen went black, silence filled my brain like oxygen pouring into my ear canals. The struggle to watch WVLNT was worth it, the blank silence afterward had a cathartic effect. It put a stop to the fifteen minutes of nail-biting agony that left me in a state of nerves, and tense sitting on the edge of my seat, clutching my head. Once the DVD was again in my hands, I wanted only to be rid of it, I still felt nauseous and tingly.
I had to search hard to find any beauty in the film. At some points, the lineups of superimposed windows and their coloration brought to mind Rothko and his paintings and the image wasn't completely barren of beauty, but generally speaking the entire film was completely in juxtaposition to the sort of aesthetic I find pleasing. I hate to use the word "ugly," but I found most the images to be uninviting to look at.
Watching it was an experience, which is the only acquisition I rightly feel I took away from it. The film pulls nerves, forcing the viewer to be extremely uncomfortable the entire duration. Visually, it consists solely of superimposition that contain no action - simple static shots. Staring at these for extended periods of time allows the mind to wander. These static images actually look like dissolves - they twitch at the edges - like they are about to fade into the images behind it yet it never comes into lucid fulfillment. Waiting for the images to change continually was tantalizing and dissapointing - it never changed.
Then there was the accompanying soundtrack - which, as a sufferer of migraines, I would only describe as agonizing. The white noise is some buzzing mechanical noise, you sit there, already perplexed at the images wondering is it a vacuum? an eggbeater? a whirring fan? a factory background? some torture machine?
As you sit there, painfully experiencing all of this, one dominant thought strain emerges: suicide. Seriously. "When is this film going to end? Is fifteen minutes over yet? I feel I've spent my entire life watching this. Please just let it end. I am in so much pain. Please, stop all of it. Everythinggg." I found myself numbly saying repeating this, mouthing prayers, as if that would do anything. Credit to WVLNT, it effectively does something - it's just not pleasant, and my shortened experience with this is just about all I can take. I wouldn't watch the full length version of this. Not even out of curiosity.