summer makes garbage more obnoxious.

summer makes people more obnoxious.

today was like 95 degrees

and seriously, the city is trash.

( i feel pretty gross too)

Ok, why is it so hard to find Abu Ghraib videos on the internet? Aren't they a huge INTERNET phenomenon? My mentor keeps plying me to include some in my project and I have spent two days looking for some usable ones, and they are impossible to find! I wish I knew Arabic.

All of a sudden I'm the shortest member of my family. Everyone has outgrown me.

STREAMPAD

i can't figure out how to use streampad, but i REALLY want to post AQUARIAN DREAM - FANTASY. my current obsession. i'm at home for the weekend, seriously already gaining weight. this afternoon i baked a strawberry, blueberry, and yogurt/cottage cheese tart (red-blue-white fourth of july request). it was adapted from this recipe, from another serious obsession:

www.tartelette.blogspot.com

ben was supposed to come down and spend the weekend here too but his uncle died this week and so he's in princeton, nj. my little sister was so dissapointed. she likes my boyfriend more than me. driving here this morning my mom was saying how my little sister was telling her "ben is really good looking isn't he? i expected ----- [me] to date some geek-looking guy." hahaha ok, and then when i walked in the house today she greeted me by coming downstairs and was like "i thought your BOYFRIEND was coming." she looks around. nope. "mom made me clean." pouty face. soo cute.

now that i live alone i eat with my hands all the time. i feel like my mom.
i also don't wear a lot of clothes.
IT IS TOO HOT TO WEAR CLOTHES.

i am so hungry right now

so i let my mom meet my boyfriend when she came to richmond on friday. i told her i wanted her to meet a friend of mine, but as ben later put it she could totally tell when he stuck his sushi into my soy sauce at the restaurant. yeah, she could totally tell.
all she said about him in the car was "ben's so white" hahahahahahahahaha.
and then she invited me and him to come home for the weekend and go to the beach.

i don't own any shorts. why don't i own any shorts? i hate the summer season, it's too hot to wear clothes.

I need to wash my hair

Hedi Slimane Diary

Work Fun Work

what I've been working on lately



Actually, done with that now! Then there was the French Film Festival, and now the James River Film Festival. Then exams, then summer internship!

life is so busy lately! i can't even be sad, even though my laptop was stolen last monday.

lesson time

su⋅pine
   /adj. suˈpaɪn; n. ˈsupaɪn/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [adj. soo-pahyn; n. soo-pahyn] Show IPA
–adjective
1. lying on the back, face or front upward.
2. inactive, passive, or inert, esp. from indolence or indifference.
3. (of the hand) having the palm upward.


i have been lying in this position for the past two days. i'm so sickkkk

I was going through my composition journal, since it's going to be checked in class tomorrow and I found this:

"I've got no conscience, I just got nerves."
-from Stalker (film)

Current Status

I am currently needing some ice cream to wash down a waffle with powdered sugar and syrup, some hostess cupcakes (wtf), butterfinger bar, reeses, and chips. !!!
ummmmmm
i'm on a diet?
I guess writing a paper overrides any other status quo. like dieting, or socializing, or seeing sunlight.
DID I REALLY EAT ALL THAT?

I am being such a girl lately.
I don't know if this is good or bad.
I feel I am acting out typical stereotypes - melodramatic, emotional, mood swings, WEIRDNESS, binge eating.
I want to watch the Holiday.



[ignore stupid background video, ignore stupid impulses]

Hot Cold

Today is my mom's birthday and I know I will probably fall asleep by the time she wakes up and that I might not wake up until she falls asleep. I was settling down in bed to watch a film, but I decided to wrap her present now before the sun rises and I forget. Mummy's getting Weleda Skin Food, the hand lotion she regretted not buying for herself last week, covered in old netflix envelopes that have been accumulating in a pile on my bedside table. I am so lazy. I should clean. While I was writing out a poem for her, "Ode to a Large Tuna in the Market," by Pablo Neruda (she loves fish, i don't), I was reminded of Neruda's other poems and how I haven't read them in a while and how his love poems are so great. Their relevance is so touching, I forgot about my mom I was so involved in my own life just reading his work for a while.


I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

-Pablo Neruda

SAT Surprise

i liked it so much, i wasted 15 of my test minutes just reading it over and over again.

Prosody 101

When they taught me that what mattered most
was not the strict iambic line goose-stepping
over the page but the variations
in that line and the tension produced
on the ear by the surprise of difference,
I understood yet didn't understand
exactly, until just now, years later
in spring, with the trees already lacy
and camellias blowsy with middle age,
I looked out and saw what a cold front had done
to the garden, sweeping in like common language,
unexpected in the sensuous
extravagance of a Maryland spring.
There was a dark edge around each flower
as if it had been outlined in ink
instead of frost, and the tension I felt
between the expected and actual
was like that time I came to you, ready
to say goodbye for good, for you had been
a cold front yourself lately, and as I walked in
you laughed and lifted me up in your arms
as if I too were lacy with spring
instead of middle aged like the camellias,
and I thought: so this is Poetry!

-Linda Pastan